As I speak with some individuals when I am describing the types of students that come to our programs, some assume that there are significant problems with the parents and families of our students. They assume that there must be problems at the homes of our students. Quite honestly this not the case for most of the parents of the students in our programs.
Largely these are families who have anticipated that their children would be in a public or private school and able to find normal success there. They have deep commitments and love for their child, they have met their physical needs and attempted to provide a supportive family for them. Along the way there was a developmental problem, a traumatic event or events, an act of violence, unresolved conflicts, bullying, drug use due to peer pressure, school problems and maybe some labels placed on their child. Things began to feel and become out of control.
Typically, there were multiple situations that began as minor incidents and continued to grow in intensity until serious consequences emerged. Some students responded with anger. Some totally withdrew. Others manifested major anxiety and depression. Some turned to drug use in order to cope and some fell into other mental health issues that impacted their behavior and how they were perceived in their community.
While all this was going on, the parent found themselves in the middle of a number of complex issues. They love and want to support their child. They don’t how they got to such a bad place. They feel they have lost the child that was a part of their home. They hear labels, are sometimes blamed themselves, and try to get services to help. They feel their own set of labels and do not know exactly where to turn. They look into the eyes of their child and do not recognize them. Some get angry and want to punish their child. Some are empathetic and become vigilant defenders of their child. Some become depressed and find themselves hopeless and possibly in their own mental health crisis.
That is usually where in desperation they are referred to one of Lakeside’s programs. They often wonder if this is just another placement that will not work. They want to have hope but with all the grief and loss they have been through, they struggle to trust that things could be different for their child and their home. We recognize that there will be a journey with some twists and turns but can promise that their student will find a different experience at Lakeside.
Slowly their student will be given the care they need. They will participate in a relationally based and carefully designed environment that will be safe for their child. There will be quality counseling, behavior management and a caring group of teachers and staff. Their child will learn how to manage their emotions through our many brain-based interventions. They will get to know staff that will support them in their growth in ways they understand. Eventually we will have the opportunity to say to their parents, “Your student is making good progress!” It takes a bit of time for them to believe, but gradually their hope is restored and they begin to recognize their child again and can envision a normal life with good outcomes. They begin to believe there is hope and that all of their exhausting work will finally pay off.
It is a rare privilege to watch this transformation. We are able to hear parents’ own stories and see outcomes that they never dreamed possible. We understand that they need a different approach that can support their child in ways that recognize their needs, find ways to hear their perspectives and guide them to a new path of healing, hope and success. These parents need to be affirmed for their long-suffering love and support for their child as they stand with them during extremely challenging life circumstances.
Gerry Vassar
President/CEO
