Many emotions, physical and hormonal changes, relational crises and personal issues accompany adolescence. Often, these changes take a toll on the self-esteem of a teenager.
Components of Healthy Self-Esteem
Much has been written about self-esteem and the components of healthy self-esteem for a teenager. In our training programs at Lakeside, we have used a great book as a resource on healthy self-esteem: How to Raise Children’s Self-Esteem, by Clemes and Bean.
Additionally, Denise Small, one of our educators, developed a simple acronym, CUPS, representing the four components of self-esteem. It is easy to remember and very helpful to understand. The acronym stands for a teen’s need of connectiveness, uniqueness, power, and a sense of role models.
In my next few posts I will talk a little about each of these components.
Connectiveness
When we think of Connectiveness, we think about the extent to which adolescents believe:
- they are part of something
- they can relate to other people
- they can identify with special groups
- they have a sense of heritage
- that something important belongs to them
- that they belong to something or someone
- that people or things they are connected to are held in high esteem by others
- that they are important
- that they are connected to their own bodies
It is important to observe and be aware of connectiveness in the life of your teenager as there are usually some very clear signs that he is not feeling connected. He may feel more comfortable in groups. He may think he is a loner, have a hard time communicating or maintaining friendships, be shy and withdrawn, or aggressive and demanding.
Too little connection leaves a teenager feeling alone, abandoned and isolated. Too much connection may give an impression the teen possesses little sense of self, or is too conforming and overly dependent.
By being observant, you will be mindful of some of the factors that may lead to low self-esteem. Your awareness could also uncover other problems that your teen may be experiencing or will experience in the days to come.
In my next post, I will write about some ways that parents and caregivers can increase the connectiveness of their adolescent. There are practical steps that you can take to make sure your teenager is feeling connected to you and to her family. Connectiveness will have a major impact on how she relates to her entire world in the years to come.
Gerry Vassar, President and CEO, Lakeside Educational Network
*Some information taken from Diane Wagenhals Understanding Teens
9 Comments
Hii im a teen and i really need help on my friends self esteem and i don’t think you guys have lot of info here, i think you should add the dangerous stuff like, lets say there is someboudy teasing you in school and you go home crying and you don’t tell your parents? This website should say not to do anything to regret like cutting yourself or possibly killing and if your a friend of a person that needs help ( like me) you should give some info about how if your friends with a person like that, tell them how to help. Bu some info here was helpful so thank you and goodbye !
Thank you for your interest and recent comment to our blog post on CUPS: Connectiveness. We appreciate you sharing your thinking, and we will give consideration to your suggestions as we feature other topics. We hope you will continue to read future posts and comment.
Hi
I would like to know if there are any schools/groups around here where my 15 year old daughter can go and learn some skills in this area?? We live in Royal Palm Beach Fl 33411 My daughter needs to connect with other teens who are feeling like she does and get some help….
Thank you for comment on our “Self-Esteem for Teenagers: Connectiveness” post. We are glad you found it useful. We are soon releasing a Special Report about Bullying that may be helpful to you or those you know who care for teens. We are sorry we cannot make a recommendation for assistance in your area. However, we suggest you may find helpful information at http://lakesideconnect.com/teen-issues/when-teenagers-have-special-needs/ in seeking a professional in your vicinity.
Future blog topics will include many aspects about anger, shame and its link to violence. Perhaps you may find some useful information in them as well. Our blog shares information to help raise awareness, understanding and dialogue about these important issues that affect people around the world. Thank you for reading and sharing your question. We hope you will continue to do so.
Hi, i have a friend that doesnt cut herself but like sratches herself till she bleeds and like shes gonna have scars if she doesnt stop. so what do i do to help her? and she was lookin at suicide symptoms. and like she has about half or more! so i need help! thanks.
Jamie, Thank you for comment on our “Self-Esteem for Teenagers: Connectiveness” post. We are glad you shared your thoughts with us. If you know of someone who needs to seek professional help, we suggest you may find useful information at http://lakesideconnect.com/teen-issues/when-teenagers-have-special-needs/. We also have released a Special Report about Bullying that may be helpful to you or those you know.
Future blog topics will include many aspects about anger, shame and its link to violence. Our blog shares information to help raise awareness, understanding and dialogue about these important issues that affect people around the world. Thank you for reading and sharing. We hope you will continue to do so.
hello,
i come from a small town, everyone knows everyone and everything. im a sophmore and im super insecure in myself. i do not think i am pretty at all. also im a very skinny person, everyone talks about it and picks on me for it. ive been trying my hardest to not take it to heart, but its not working out so well.. i just need a boost in confidence extremely bad.. please. i realize this isnt as bad as some of these.. but still i need some help.
thanks.
i suffered from low self esteem my whole life and im really pretty but when i was growing up my mom was unable to provide the latest fashions so i got picked on alot about my clothes and shoes im 21 years old and to this day i still feel less then i should. kids can say some hurtful things that stick with you and you think because multiple people say the same things they must be true. noone knows your situation better then you i still take it a day at a time because thats all you can do. i cry all the time because i hurt myself phycologicly thinking about things that are in the past i want to love me but i just dont know how. what should i do?
Raven, I am sorry you have experienced such sadness. Feel free to read all our postings on self-esteem and CUPS for some additional background that may help you better to understand your feelings. Finding a professional who you can trust who can help you process your past issues may be helpful.