Even though many teens have busy schedules and many friends or students around them, it is possible that they are more isolated than one might think. They can be surrounded by people but at the same time feel like they are totally alone.
Our teens are often digitally overloaded with few real-world connections. Social media has replaced relationships and on-line friendships typically have lower-quality connections. Academic pressures and over-scheduling create less time for friendships, hobbies and proper rest. Some teens can feel like they are competing 24/7 with too many agendas.
We know that post-pandemic, some of our teens have gaps in their social skills. Normal social development did not happen properly and often results in social awkwardness or anxiety about face-to-face interactions. Additionally, there can be a level of stress in families where teens are uncomfortable to share their feelings about significant life circumstances. All of this can contribute to a fear of establishing meaningful relationships.
Some signs of loneliness in teens are when they increase their screen time, mood swings, irritability, feeling left out even when they’re included, and general lack of energy and motivation. Just like anyone, teens desire to have some sense of belonging. This can happen through having one close friend, safety in their living space, lack of judgement by those around them, a listening and caring adult to talk to, a place or group to belong to and some time to rebuild their self-esteem and confidence.
What are some ways parents or caregivers can help a lonely teen? Here are some suggestions:
- We can create spaces for relational connections such as sports, group support, recreational activities with others where there is less structured and pressured time.
- We can partner with them to rebalance screen time.
- We can model vulnerability by being honest about emotions and struggles.
- We can teach the basics of social skills and allow them to practice how to start conversations, handle conflict and build friendships.
If you are in a relationship with a teen who you think might be lonely, there is hope that that their loneliness can be overcome. Sometimes it takes one good mentor to change the course of their lives by helping them to engage in meaningful and real relationships. Being alone is not a good place for any of us. We can help these teens with a touch of human care and concern as we provide them with a new source of connection and help that will impact the rest of their lives.
Gerry Vassar
President/CEO
