We all have certain stressors during the holiday season. It is a time of busyness, family gatherings, shopping, wrapping, cooking, holiday events and lots of other activities. Also, holidays can be times of loss and grief where loved ones have passed. If there is family dysfunction or trauma, that too can play into holiday memories.
But what about teens? Do they experience their own forms of stress? For many teens the holidays bring joy and break from school. But underneath the surface this time of year can bring unique pressures that adults can overlook.
First of all, teenage development is in and of itself full of challenges. They are in a phase of life where they are in between childhood and adulthood. Their brain is rewiring rapidly and their emotions are often not predictable. It is a time of insecurity as they strive to find their own identity. Sensitivities are often very intense and that can lead to a lot of stress and varied stress responses.
Some other factors of holiday stress for teens that can be prominent during the holidays are:
- Academic pressures – Most have just had tests, papers due and academic deadlines. These issues can leave a student in high anxiety and not relaxed.
- Social comparison – This is a season of heavy social media influence with the perfect gifts, immaculate decorating, parties, travel in such ways that teens can feel left out or less than.
- Family dynamics – Holiday gatherings can amplify conflict, emphasize divorce-related stress, grief or feelings of not belonging.
- Financial stress – Teens are perceptive about things like money. Some feel guilty about asking for gifts. Others are worried that they might be judged for not giving enough or receiving gifts.
- Increases in loneliness – Even socially active teens can feel isolated if schedules shift, friendships change, relationships end or if they are surrounded by family but feel misunderstood.
Caregivers and parents can help to reduce these stressors and help their teens to have a positive holiday experience. Some ways to do that are as follows:
- Relax expectations so as to not be overwhelming.
- Give them permission to rest. Note that they are in recovery if they need to rest, sleep or just hang out.
- Encourage honest conversations about how they feel about the holidays and family experiences.
- Limit social media. A break from it may decrease social stress.
- Allow them some space from family so as to have the ability to step away from chaotic family gatherings.
- Build meaning beyond the gifts. Perhaps serving others, volunteering, creating something handmade will bring focus from stuff to connection.
The holidays are complicated for all of us but particularly for teens who are learning to regulate emotions, handle expectations and find their identity. When we approach them with compassion, we can help transform a stressful season into a supportive and enjoyable one.
Gerry Vassar
President/CEO
