Recently one of our students was speaking about the size of his previous school before coming to Lakeside School. His observation is how hard it is to create any sense of community in a large school district with thousands of students. It is interesting to think that students who have hundreds of people around them do not feel connected. They have little impact and little voice in large environments designed primarily for academic achievements.
We hear it quite frequently that many students feel lost in some of their schools. The manner in which schools operate can feel very robotic in the schedules and movement of students from class to class. There are typical stressors that intensify the expectations placed on them academically. As busy and active as they are, they can feel isolated and very lonely in ways we would not expect. For many they are overwhelmed with the sheer numbers of kids and have difficulty making close friends.
Some of us would not think that community would be that important to our kids. Yet as they grow and mature, friends and relationships become a significant part of their acceptance and identity. We see evidence of this on the internet as students find connection to gaming groups, social media relationships and varied sub-groups. Sports teams, music and arts groups, special interest groups, church groups and other community groups can also provide healthy connections around common interests.
Families are that first community in which every child can belong. A family models the values and relational components to set the stage for a community for kids. Once a child emerges into a public world, they strive to fit into a different community with that family frame of reference and values. Once they realize that the values are not the same, they have to adapt and find a predictable and safe space for their new relationships and community.
This can be a huge adjustment and finding that safe community can be difficult when you encounter immature, egocentric and even bullying types of interactions. Like any of us, kids look for places where there is safety, relational integrity, trust and dependability. That takes a level of intimacy and vulnerability that is typically not found up and down the hallways of a large school.
As I listened to our student speak, I heard him describe how the small school environment that he found at Lakeside was truly a community of care. He described how he had been treated, his own way of finding his voice, how he was heard, how relationships were prioritized and the fact that he had impact. Giving that kind of personal power to teenagers is a significant part of their brain development and personal growth. He had found the community he had been looking for.
I think it is important to help our kids find a healthy community. That community should be a place where they find stable, consistent, affirming and positive connections. They need to find an intact and reasonably sized group of other peers where they can create their own community. They may need help in finding a community that they identify with and can enjoy belonging to. This can make a significant difference to their personal growth, their mental health and their future. Kids need community and one key to their healthy growth will be which community they will connect to and how they create a path to their own emotional and relational health.
Gerry Vassar
President/CEO
One Comment
Thank you