Most of us grew up with a certain set of expectations about the holiday season. There were dinners, gatherings, opening of presents, fun events, decorations, lights, shopping, etc. etc. Even getting a tree for our home was a big deal where the whole family participated. But what about today’s teenager and their response to the holiday traditions that we try to establish with them?
Some parents and families get upset when teenagers check out for the holidays. They often can become disinterested or disengaged. I have written about some of those reasons related to some of their stressors in my last post – but what about the positive family events that are typical of this season? What is important for teens in the holiday season?
Obviously one way to know is to simply ask. There are childlike memories which may still be important, but teens are also in a phase of life where they may not have the same excitement that they had as children. It can feel complicated. The holiday time does bring a sense of the predictable, and in a world that often feels unstable and uncertain, the holidays can provide a sense of stability that is so important.
A second issue that may be significant is the sense of belonging. There is no time like the holidays to sense that you are a part of a family, a tradition, varied relatives and friendships that reoccur in a special way during that time. We emphasize the participation, but what is most important is the sense that a teen does belong to his or her loved ones.
The holidays also are strengthening to teens’ mental health. It reduces that feeling of loneliness, gives them emotional grounding, strengthens family bonds and creates positive memories. I have adult children and grandchildren, and they still insist that we maintain some of our family traditions, which is a great deal of fun, but also very grounding in terms of their expectations.
Many of our family values become very apparent during the holidays. Giving, kindness, generosity, faith experiences, concerts, gratitude, helping those less fortunate, and other related experiences. Teens are deciding what they will find meaningful and will carry forward in their lives, and that can be identified within holiday celebrations.
Teens will probably not remember all the gifts and décor, but they will remember who was there, how they felt and whether they felt heard, safe and affirmed during the holidays. Even though traditions may change, they will probably not be completely broken. Teens will mainly remember that they belong to those who enjoy holiday traditions with them.
I think that is a good reminder for families who have teens involved. Families should be aware and clear about their impact on their teen, and one major lasting impression is how your family maintains your holiday traditions. They are important and make a huge difference in the stability and future values of your teenager.
Gerry Vassar
President/CEO
